


Batter Up

by axtinguisher



Category: Team Fortress 2
Genre: Cooking, Gen, Mercs being friends, Mute Pyro, nonbinary Pyro
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-04
Updated: 2019-08-04
Packaged: 2020-07-31 01:20:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20106820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/axtinguisher/pseuds/axtinguisher
Summary: In which Scout ruins a pancake.





	Batter Up

"I know what I'm doin', alright? I am _the best_ at flippin' pancakes."

Scout fixed his stance and tightened his grip around the handle of the pan, giving it a little shake to make sure the pancake in question wasn't stuck to the bottom.

"I know what you're thinkin'. Scout, you haven't flipped any pancakes before! Well, yeah, you might be right, but how hard could it be?"

According to the blackboard calendar Engineer had set up by the kitchen entrance a couple of months prior, today was Pyro's turn at cooking duty. Having an organized system set up for kitchen duties turned out to be a pretty helpful addition, especially so Soldier couldn't claim it was 'Ration Wednesday' every two days.

Pyro was more than happy being in charge of cooking. If anything, they wished they could be more often - they had gotten their own apron and everything.

However, as a rule, they usually had their scheduled days shared with another mercenary. As for who they were teamed up with, it was either the result of rock-paper-scissors, or just volunteering. It wasn't because Pyro was a _bad_ cook, per se - they would make some of the best cupcakes, cookies, and other assorted baked goods. The issue presented itself whenever they were using a stovetop, as they were more entertained by fiddling with the temperature than to actually cook something... well, edible. Something edible that hasn't been on fire at some point in the cooking process.

Trying to flip a pancake by throwing it into the air, however? That was Scout's own idea. And Pyro made the mistake of agreeing to let him try.

He cleared his throat as he moved away from the stove. "On the count of three! One! Two!"

Pyro let out a distressed whine as they yet again tried to catch Scout's attention through a series of rapid-fire signs. < _Don't hold the handle like that! | it's an oven-safe pan | the handle can be-_ >

"Three!"

It wasn't until he heard a loud, ungodly _CLANG_ against the kitchen floor that Scout realized the only thing he was holding was the handle of what was a complete pan moments ago.

"... Aw, crap."

After having recovered from seeing a perfectly good pancake crash-land into the ground - along with their frying pan - Pyro yanked the handle out of his hands, prompting another quieter _aw crap_ from him. They quickly started scooping the now-destroyed pancake onto a plate.

"Nice one, lad!" Demoman hollered out in amusement, having stationed himself at the end of the kitchen's dining table.

"Hey! I bet you don't know how ta' flip a pancake either!"

"Aye, I do! I just think it's fun watchin' ye try it." Demo took a sip of his beer. "Sorry about the pan, though."

Pyro reattatched the handle before frantically checking it all over for dents or scratches. It was their favorite pan to use, after all, and getting a brand new one just isn't the same in the slightest. Thankfully, after a thorough inspection, nothing seemed to be damaged from the impact. Scout's hair was safe from being set on fire for today.

"Is it okay? Nothin' broke, right?"

They gave Scout a reaffirming thumbs up, to which he let out a sigh of relief.

"Sweet. I mean, we have a ton of batter left, we can just make new 'cakes. And, uh... yeah, maybe let Demo flip 'em. I didn't know it'd do that! I totally would've nailed it if it was like, y'know, a normal pan." He leaned himself against the kitchen counter.

"Hah! I believe ye." Demoman put on a little smirk. "It'd probably get stuck tae the ceilin'."

Pyro set said pan aside on the counter, and turned their head towards the plate of gross-looking floor pancake they had just scooped up and put on the table. "Eesh," Scout added. "Please don't tell me you're gonna keep that."

They thought for a moment, as if weighing their options, before signing their response.

< _Five seconds!_ >

"You got a bit o' destroyed pancake on ye, still." Demo put his free hand behind his head and leaned back a little in his chair, having another swig of his beer.

They wiped their gloved hands on the apron they were wearing. Most of the time they'd be upset at getting it all dirty - but this was one of the boring, white aprons without any pretty patterns, as their usual one was in the wash. A couple of the other mercs had asked what the point was in getting a nice apron for cooking if they didn't want it to get messy. They refused to comment.

<_ Five seconds!_ > they repeated.

Admittedly, Scout wasn't entirely innocent when it came to eating food that's been on the floor for a couple of seconds longer than it should've. Everyone in the team had different opinions when it came to the 5-second rule, but an entire pancake was a little much for anyone who wasn't Pyro, Sniper, or Soldier. Especially since pretty much all of the mercs still wore shoes inside the kitchen.

"Eugh... Just, like... label it. Or something. When I'm out midnight snackin' I don't wanna eat a germ-cake by accident."

Pyro gave him a little thumbs-up.

"I really don't want tae start discussin' this again, but that's a wee bit nauseatin'."

They tilted their head. < _It's still edible though._ >

"Whatever ye say."

Demo put his beer bottle down on the table before he stood up. "So, how about we finish the rest o' these, and I show ye how to flip a pancake? Without makin' the handle pop off, this time."

He was actually quite an impressive chef himself, at least when he was sober. He had been planning on making something delicious for his next scheduled shift at cooking duty, as his previous couple of attempts weren't terribly successful, to say the least. Cooking while drunk off his ass doesn't create the _most_ delicious meals. In his defense, sugar and salt do look very similar when unboxed and put in a cup. Outside of those incidents, however, he's an excellent home cook; doing something like this takes next to minimal effort on his part.

Pyro clasped their hands together and mumbled something incomprehensible; they clearly sounded pretty happy that Demo was going to help them both out. Scout was always a great help and all when it came to things like getting ingredients down from higher shelves, but having him actually cooking? Please no.

"Yeah, thanks. I don't think Pyro would even let me near any kinda kitchen thingy with them around for the next 4 months, anyway."

< _Years._ >

**Author's Note:**

> Baby's First TF2 Fic!!!! I haven't written in forever and decided to make my first post on here something simple (and also because I Like to write simpler things....) so forgive me if I'm rusty.


End file.
